March 25, 2013
So... here we are. This is a picture of Jessica and Sonya, her mother, at Noah's marker in Athens. His birthday has passed, Easter is right around the corner and life is still moving. We are continually living with grief. One moment we are smiling & laughing at something funny - then crying because Noah would have thought it would have been funny too and we cant hear him laugh anymore. People move on. People forget. We don't parade our feelings of pain around. We aren't that kind of people. But sometimes it is hard to be in public. Workers in restaurants in Hoover must think I'm crazy because one of us usually cries at each one we are at if we are alone. Seeing a kids menu, hearing another child or seeing a family eating together - it all brings grief to the front of our thoughts.
So here we are. We had our picture taken for a directory for our church recently. We dreaded it. We put it off, even postponed it and rescheduled. When the day arrived we sat in front of the camera with the over the top happy photographer instructing us to hold our heads in postions we ever hold them in real life for this picture. It was our first family picture without him. During the shoot he asked us if we had any kids. It was a knife to the heart. We made it through the session. We even took some silly pictures for fun. We do our best to cover our pain with laughter. It works most of the time.
I am not sure what is next for us. I know that Easter is Sunday and I know this sounds bad but I already dread it. Last year we all woke up to a happy morning with new toys, a basket of candy and a little boy with life in his eyes. This year we wake up with a memory, put one foot in front of the other and decide once more to step forward. I am thankful to celebrate Easter for what it represents - Christ risen to be our savior. I know that this Easter - somewhere - at the same time Noah and I will be worshiping the same God and Savior.
So... here we are. This is a picture of Jessica and Sonya, her mother, at Noah's marker in Athens. His birthday has passed, Easter is right around the corner and life is still moving. We are continually living with grief. One moment we are smiling & laughing at something funny - then crying because Noah would have thought it would have been funny too and we cant hear him laugh anymore. People move on. People forget. We don't parade our feelings of pain around. We aren't that kind of people. But sometimes it is hard to be in public. Workers in restaurants in Hoover must think I'm crazy because one of us usually cries at each one we are at if we are alone. Seeing a kids menu, hearing another child or seeing a family eating together - it all brings grief to the front of our thoughts.
So here we are. We had our picture taken for a directory for our church recently. We dreaded it. We put it off, even postponed it and rescheduled. When the day arrived we sat in front of the camera with the over the top happy photographer instructing us to hold our heads in postions we ever hold them in real life for this picture. It was our first family picture without him. During the shoot he asked us if we had any kids. It was a knife to the heart. We made it through the session. We even took some silly pictures for fun. We do our best to cover our pain with laughter. It works most of the time.
I am not sure what is next for us. I know that Easter is Sunday and I know this sounds bad but I already dread it. Last year we all woke up to a happy morning with new toys, a basket of candy and a little boy with life in his eyes. This year we wake up with a memory, put one foot in front of the other and decide once more to step forward. I am thankful to celebrate Easter for what it represents - Christ risen to be our savior. I know that this Easter - somewhere - at the same time Noah and I will be worshiping the same God and Savior.
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